


Wordplay

by swooning



Category: Sanctuary (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 19:25:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3702987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swooning/pseuds/swooning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just what exactly is the objective of this game? Magnus wondered. It seemed to revolve around her, a bit too much for comfort. She really should put a stop to this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wordplay

Helen Magnus rarely used profanities. They were unnecessary and uncouth, in her estimation. And she did not often find herself in situations where she was so lost for words that she had to resort to something so vague. Her insults and imprecations were usually far more specific than could ever be expressed by such a limited vocabulary. Besides, one well-placed 'damn' from a mouth that rarely says it is infinitely more effective than the hundredth 'fuck' uttered by a habitual vulgarian.

She had seen many changes over the years, and many of them were for the better. But she thought the increasing acceptance of foul language in everyday conversation was no improvement, and therefore she saw no reason to change her own behavior in that regard. Her private conversations were another matter entirely. But in public, she simply didn't like to hear people falling into the lazy habit of cursing instead of using more descriptive language.

Magnus was under no illusion that her employees felt the same way. But she appreciated the fact that they usually kept it clean in front of her. She supposed she had that effect on young men, especially. Kate was less apt to censor herself, but she was at least generally respectful.

So when Magnus overheard the conversation taking place around Henry's computer, her tender ears were shocked at first.

"C is for cunt." The voice was Kate's, and she sounded unbearably smug as was so often the case.

"Oh, no fair. If either of us had said it, you'd have gone apeshit."

"Perks of the gender, Hank. D?"

"Dominatrix."

"Don't you just wish?" Kate retorted.

Magnus heard a familiar chuckle, and though the door was blocking her line of sight she realized Will was participating in this game, or whatever it was her workers were up to instead of work. 

She knew she should move. She was eavesdropping, and that was wrong. They were playing games, and cursing to boot, and all that was wrong. But her feet were simply frozen to the ground. Because she had to hear what Will - bashful, baby-faced Will - came up with for the letter E. 

"You're up, Doc," Kate prompted.

"Too easy. Erotica."

Henry made a buzzer sound. "That's just a genre. I don't buy it." 

"I wasn't asking you to buy it. Are you going to bring it up in polite conversation?" Will countered.

"Sure. Why not? A literary conversation." 

"All righty," the doctor suggested, "why don't you go have a nice literary conversation about erotica...with Magnus?"

She almost gave herself away then, just managing to strangle back a laugh at the idea of Henry trying to strike up a conversation with her about erotic literature. Magnus wondered how he would respond if she participated eagerly, displaying the true depth and breadth of her familiarity with that particular genre. After all, she had been around for a very long time, and a woman had to do something to entertain herself. And for most of that time, books and French postcards had been about the only available options. 

Kate giggled. "Owned, Foss. Um, and also fuck."

"Got that right," Henry conceded. "Okay, I'll give that one to him, you don't have to cuss me out."

"No," Kate said, "I got F. Fuck. F for Fuck."

"You're getting all the easy ones," complained Will. 

"G-spot," Henry contributed. 

"Man, this sucks," Will muttered. "H. Oh! Hard-on!"

"I." Kate sounded stumped for a moment. "Oh, I know, I know. Incest. Ew."

"Jesus," Henry said. The other two immediately pounced on him, trying to disallow it, but Henry was prepared to plead his case. "It's all about tone, campers. Allow me to demonstrate." He cleared his throat dramatically, then Magnus heard a low, throaty moan. "Ooooh,  _Jesus_. Oh, yeah. Oh, Jesus, right there,  _right there_. Oh,  _Jeeeesuuus fuck, don't stop_!"

Kate and Will must have been in tears, they were laughing so hard. Magnus was biting her fist, trying to stifle the astonished cackle that wanted so badly to escape her mouth. Henry, a moaner. Who could have guessed? He sounded rather appealing, actually, though he definitely wasn't her type.

"Okay, okay. Will's got K." Kate was still giggling.

"K? That's really hard." 

Henry whipped out his response instantly. "That's what she - ouch!"

"I've warned you about that before, geek-boy."

"Kinbaku!" Will said triumphantly. 

"Kin what now?" 

Magnus smirked. Obviously Henry still had a thing or two to learn. She, on the other hand, knew what Kinbaku was; she was a little impressed that Will apparently did as well. 

"Kinbaku. Japanese erotic bondage." 

"Ah."

"Nice one, Doc." Kate's voice was almost sultry. "Didn't know you had it in you."

"Oh, well, you know..."

"Yeah, I sorta do. Labia."

"M. Mmm... _Mmmmmm_." Henry, with the moaning again, earning a renewed bout of hilarity from his cohorts. 

"Nuts." 

"Orgasm." 

"P is for Penis," Henry said cheerfully. 

"Oh, this is really too easy," Will said smugly. "Q is for Quim."

"Um, what's a quim?" Henry said. 

Kate threw in her opinion. "I have no idea what that word is. I thought you'd go for queef." 

Magnus frowned. She and Kate were even, as she herself had no idea what the word 'queef' meant; she couldn't recall ever having heard it. 

"Quim. Look it up. I guarantee you, Magnus wouldn't need to. Although I think the commonly accepted definition of the word was a tad different back then." 

Indeed she would not need to look that up. She was blushing right now, in fact, listening to Will use the word so casually. The meaning had changed a bit, he was correct, but either way it was embarrassing to hear it. Well, embarrassing was one of the things it was. Magnus hesitated to name the others, even to herself. 

Henry had apparently looked up the definition, because he gave a long, low whistle of appreciation. "Dude. Good word, man. And you got the Victorian thing in there. Bonus."

"I would give a whole freaking bag of steno tusks to hear you work that into a conversation with Magnus," Kate said. 

"But where would you get them?" asked Henry, clearly rhetorically.

"True."

"So," Will said, "I believe that means it's R to Kate." 

"Rimming," Kate said, not stopping to think. The boys were silent for a moment, and Magnus thought she might give a bag of steno tusks to see their expressions just then. "Henry? S?"

"Yeah, S. Um, give me a sec. Sex is too broad. I'm pretty sure I've even heard her say it. Maybe suck?"

"I don't think so," Will objected. "I mean I would love to hear her say it that way, you understand. But again, too much opportunity to hear it in an innocent context, and you've already done the context thing a bit too much. I mean we allowed Mmmm. Try again."

"Ssssseduction?" Henry tried. 

"Hmm. No, I don't think that works either. I can totally imagine Magnus saying that some time. As a metaphor, probably."

"What he said," Kate agreed. "I can practically hear her saying it."

_Just what exactly is the objective of this game_? Magnus wondered. It seemed to revolve around her, a bit too much for comfort. She really should put a stop to this.

"Oh. How about sexy?"

They paused, seeming to consider it. 

"I guess," Kate said grudgingly. 

"Yeah, it's pretty colloquial. Okay. So that leaves me with T." After a moment Will came up with, "Tawse." 

"Isn't that a kind of whip?" Kate asked. 

"Kind of," Will replied. 

"Should I even ask about this theme I'm sensing with you?"

"Probably not," Henry warned her. "But I don't allow 'tawse'. She could be talking about a crime weapon, a historical artifact, anything like that."

"You wouldn't let me go for 'top', I suppose?" 

Kate said, " _Oh_! Okay, now I get it!" at about the same time Magnus was thinking it. 

Henry chuckled. "Context is important. But no, I think you may lose this round, dude." 

_Round of what?_

"I haven't lost a round yet, and I'm not losing this one. Shit. It can't be a phrase?" 

"No, but maybe we can do that next time." Henry seemed to be the arbiter of the rules. "Kate? You want to try?"

"Damn, T is hard. Transvestite? No, no. Oh, wait. What about 'train'? As in, you know...pulling one?" 

"Heh." 

Magnus wasn't sure which man had given that mocking laugh, but she thought it was Henry. 

"No way. If it needs that much context, then that is just a phrase," Will insisted. 

"He's got you there. So I guess it's to me," Henry said. "Aw, crap. Who woulda thought T would end up being the hardest letter? I got nothin'. Which means Will is still in." 

"Yes!" Will gloated. "Oh wait. Wait. I'm in anyway.  _Tits_!"

"Oh, man!" Henry almost shouted.

"I can't believe none of us thought of tits." This from Kate, and Magnus couldn't help but chuckle at it. She knew what was coming, and Henry didn't disappoint. 

"Speak for yourself, I think of tits almost all the time. Ouch! Stop doing that!" 

Kate, her point obviously made through physical means, continued as though Henry hadn't spoken. "So I get U? Uh, that's a tough one too. Because, you know, urinate, urethra, whatever. I mean she's a doctor."

"That does make it harder," Will concurred. 

"That'swhatshesaid!" Henry blurted, and then Magnus heard the sound of scuffling and flesh thwacking against flesh, ending in Henry's piteous cries for mercy. 

"Just for that, you get my take on the letter U, geek. Ready?"

"Ready?" Henry didn't sound remotely ready. Magnus desperately wanted to sneak a peek around the door to see what was happening; it sounded as though Henry and Kate were still on the floor. But she didn't date risk it. If she were seen now, she would never get to hear the end of the alphabet. She was already trying to predict what Will might come up with for W.

Then Kate started a moan that put Henry's effort to shame. "Uuuhhhh.  _Uuuhhhhhh_...oh, god. Mmm. Uhhhh. Uhhh.  _Uhh...uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uhhhhhhhmmmm._ Mmmmm."

At least two of the groans Magnus heard had sounded like they came from Henry rather than Kate. 

"This message was brought to you by the letter U," Kate said, no remaining trace in her voice of the ardor she'd been exhibiting. "Was it good for you, big boy?"

"Nnggghh." 

"Yeah, I thought that's what you said." 

Somebody was applauding in slow ironic claps; Magnus assumed it was Will, as he spoke next. 

"Thanks, guys. Now I don't need to rent that porno, I can just look for the footage on the security camera." 

Magnus thought she would probably beat him to it, if only to see what had actually been going on.

"Henry?" Kate asked cheerily. "V?"

"Vagina," he croaked. 

"I'll allow it," Kate said. "But it's kind of obvious. I would've gone with the vibrator option, myself." 

"Yeah, I'm sure you would have, Kate. So I get W," Will said. His tone, a dark murmur, left no need for a discussion of context. " _Wet_."

Magnus shivered as her body demonstrated the context. God, that boy had a way with words sometimes. 

"Ooookay, I'm gonna allow that one, just because. Yeah, so X? X-rated?"

"Hmm. Henry? What do you think?" Will asked. "Judge's ruling?"

"Meh, I'm cool with it. X is just too hard in these games anyway. So lemme see. That means I'm on Y. Yowza. Yikes." 

"Things the Scooby Doo gang says?" Kate guessed. 

"Zoinks," Will contributed. 

"Y. Fuck, that one's tough too. I mean without phrases. Yanking things works, but you need something to yank."

"We may be done. I can't think of anything for Z, anyway." 

"Crap," Kate said, sighing heavily. "So it's a draw."

"We should figure out a way to play tiwinnims for points instead."

Magnus wondered if she'd misheard Henry. Tiwinnims? Another word she'd never heard. Two in the span of ten minutes; when was the last time that had happened?

The group seemed to be disbanding. Kate mentioned an inclination to go check on her 'baby,' by which Magnus assumed she meant the scaly abnormal that considered Kate its mother. She left through a door on the opposite side of the room, from the sound of it. Henry was already back at work, or at least back on his computer, tapping away at the keyboard like an industrious employee should. Will's departure was quieter, but Magnus could hear him approaching the doorway around which she had been eavesdropping. Folding her arms over her chest, she leaned against the wall and attempted to look extremely unamused as he rounded the corner and saw her.

His expression was absolutely priceless. It was all Magnus could do not to howl with the laughter she'd been suppressing. But she hadn't gotten where she was in life without developing considerable self-control. She gestured for him to close the heavy wooden door behind him, knowing that it would prevent Henry from hearing them.

"Doctor Zimmerman," she greeted him with a chilly smile when he turned back from the closed door. 

"Doctor Magnus." He seemed about to say more, then closed his mouth and pressed his lips together tightly. He wasn't going to give anything away for free.

"Tiwinnims?" 

"Uh..." He really did look adorable when he was mortified and trying to trying to figure out how much she really knew. "It's an acronym?"

She just stared him down, well aware that silence was a powerful interrogation tool. Will obviously knew that, too; but she was confident she could outlast him, especially when he knew he was in the wrong, and her confidence was justified. 

"Did you hear the whole thing?" he asked at last, giving up any attempt at nonchalance. 

"Oh no," she said, and let him feel relieved for a second or two before she delivered the blow. "Just C through Y. You never really attempted Z, so I won't count that one."

He closed his eyes and bit his lip, and even in the fairly dim light of the corridor she could swear she saw a blush rise on Will's cheeks. Precious. "I just...Magnus, I can't begin to say how sorry -"

"Zelophilia," she said, cutting him off. 

"Huh?"

"Z for Zelophilia. Tell me what the acronym stands for, and I'll give you the definition of zelophilia, which may be of use to you in further games of this nature."

He was looking at her like she had sprouted horns, and even Magnus's iron control couldn't keep her dimples from showing. Her weakness. Her tell. Will saw the smirk, and gave her back a tiny one of his own, leaning in just a little closer. He had actually been standing fairly close already, she realized.

"Things You Will Never Hear Helen Magnus Say." 

Her smile spread, reaching her eyes as she absorbed this bit of information. 

"You know," she said after a moment or two, "you're all very fortunate I have some sense of humor about myself."

"You're still going to make us regret it, though, aren't you?" Will leaned his shoulder against the wall, mirroring her. Raising an eyebrow at her as she raised one at him. Magnus wondered if she might not also be blushing. She smiled and let her gaze drift away from Will's face and on to safer views. 

"Yes. In a variety of ways. Let's start with how I'll make Henry and Kate regret it. Neither of them will ever win this game again, I think. Because from now on you'll be secretly playing for me. The next time you play, you'll find yourself well-prepared. I know a great many words you have never heard me say, Will. A great. Many. Words."

He nodded slowly. "Zelophilia?"

She looked at him again, daring him to meet her gaze. "Zelophilia is a condition in which one derives sexual arousal from experiencing feelings of jealousy."

"Doctor," he said, nodding his head respectfully in her direction. "That is a good word. I am going to kick their asses the next time we play. Um, except that I just heard you say it. But I guess this doesn't count."

"I haven't finished. Don't you want to know what your own consequence is going to be, Will?"

He bit his lip again. Magnus had to restrain herself from touching his lip, coaxing it out from between his teeth. 

"I guess," he said finally. "I deserve it. Lay it on me."

"I intend to," she assured him. "Being my proxy in these little diversions will actually be quite an effective punishment in itself, I think you'll find. Not so much the game itself as the preparation."

"I...don't get exactly what you're saying," he admitted nervously.

"Oh, but you will. And soon. Now, I think it's vital that you learn just a bit more about what I might or might not be inclined to say. For instance, I agree that zelophilia is a very fine word. But do you know what word I like even better, Will?" She was leaning in toward him, now. Her voice had grown softer, throatier, and she chuckled when Will shook his head. "I'm actually rather fond of the word 'quim'."

His jaw dropped, his eyes widened, and Magnus leaned in for the kill. "Let me share a few more. 'Cunt' is a good old English word. Concise, efficient, and very enduring. I think it will be with us for a long time to come. The same might be said of the word 'fuck'. I've always been an admirer of the classics, as you know. Including those in the genre known as erotica."

Will nodded stupidly. A discreet glance at Will's groin confirmed to Magnus that her exploration of the category 'Things Will Never Thought He'd Hear Helen Magnus Say' was proceeding according to expectation. 

"So you see, all those responses would have actually been incorrect, because I have been known on rare occasions to use all those terms. However, you were very astute with your choice of the term 'hard-on'. It would simply never occur to me to use it. 'Erection', I suppose, would be my choice. If the need to refer to such a thing ever...arose.

"Let's see," she went on, "I missed A and B, but I did enjoy D for Dominatrix. Which I might well say if the situation called for it, although I can't imagine what that situation might be. I have always wondered about the plural, though, haven't you? Dominatrices? It just sounds wrong, somehow. What do you think?"

"I don't...think. Um, I mean, I don't know. What the correct, ah, usage would be."

"Mmm. I see. Ah! Now there was another one. Mmmm.  _Mmmmmm_." She closed her eyes and let her head tip back as she said it, shrugging her hair back over her shoulders. " _Mmmmm_...well yes, obviously I've said that before. I mean haven't we all?" She didn't wait for his answer. "Kate's version with the 'uh' sounds, however...I think not. And while I believe I do tend to invoke the odd deity or two while in the throes of passion, Jesus is not among those invoked. So that was a well-earned point for Henry. What was she doing to him, by the way?"

Will rolled his eyes, but was clearly grateful to change the subject. "She had him pinned on the floor. Those two really just need to get it over with."

Magnus gave him a thoughtful frown. "Poor Henry."

"I concur wholeheartedly." 

"Hmm. Well. Where was I? J?" 

"Um." 

"K, that's right. Yes, K for kinbaku. Fascinating. I'm quite sure you'd rather not know too much about the times that subject has come up for me in conversation. Just as I'm sure you'd rather not hear about the cases that have required me to use the terms labia, vagina and penis. I am a doctor, after all, as the three of you seemed well aware. But I'm skipping letters. What was N again?" 

"Nuts," whispered Will miserably. He was no longer leaning against the wall but standing hunched, with his hands thrust very deep in his pockets.

"Context again. I assume you weren't talking about the edible sort?" At Will's tortured whimper, she gasped in mock chagrin. "Oh, I do apologize. I meant, of course, that I assume you were talking about testicles. Then O was for orgasm. I might use that word, but I prefer climax or crisis or even 'to come'. So score one point for...Kate, I believe it was. It really was lucky for you that I wasn't judging your little game, Will. I believe you would have lost very badly." 

Will breathed out heavily, his eyes squeezed shut. He looked like he was in pain. "Magnus,  _please_." 

She leaned closer still, until she was barely more than a handspan away. In heels, she was almost his height, and she liked that she could look him in the face without craning her neck. 

"I listened to you. Turnabout is fair play, Will," she whispered, and when he opened his eyes in confusion, she winked at him. But he obviously hadn't quite caught her meaning.

"Magnus, I get what you're trying to do, but I'm...um..." His voice drifted off and his eyes drifted down as she hooked one elegant finger between two of his shirt buttons, letting her fingertip tease along the small span of his chest to which this granted her access. Not touching his skin, because he had a t-shirt under his button-down. But the intent was clear. 

"Turnabout is fair play," she repeated, enunciating each word carefully.

This time when their eyes met, nobody was smiling and the tension was palpable until Magnus broke the silence once more. "Moving along. 'Rimming' is not something I would generally say, as it is not something I would generally do, though I don't rule it out entirely. Kate really did do best at the game, I must say. Her vocabulary is certainly eclectic, isn't it? Probably the fewer questions asked there, the better.

"S was for 'sexy' which has never seemed like a very apt term to me. It's a short, sharp word being used to describe qualities that are best when they are neither short nor sharp. Although I know this is subject to personal preference. 'Seductive' is a fantastic descriptive term, however."

It obviously described what Magnus was doing to Will, at least as far as Magnus could read Will's response. "In fact," she went on, sliding her finger up and slowly unbuttoning his top button, "I think 'seduction' rolls nicely off the tongue, too. Wouldn't you agree?"

Will's eyes had lost some of their glazed look, and he was observing her very closely. Scanning, trying to figure her out, Magnus thought. She hoped he would get on with it. Then he smiled, just the corners of his mouth tipping up, so quickly she nearly missed it. 

"Seduction," he said experimentally, then shrugged. "Not bad."

"I was a bit disappointed nobody came up with 'strappado'. Though there again, it wouldn't have scored you any points if the game had been properly refereed." 

Will's smile deepened as he shook his head in disbelief. "Jesus, Magnus."

"We already covered that one. Try to pay attention, please. We're at tawses. Which have their uses. Although since you seemed to take such pleasure in referencing the bawdy terminology of my youth, I must remind you that I prefer the classics. Caning and birching were the standard of the day, far more popular than tawsing. Or so I've since read. At the time, of course, I was woefully ignorant of such coarse matters." 

"Of course." 

She noted that his posture had straightened back up, and he seemed a little taller because of it. She found, however, that she did not mind in the least. 

"'Tits' is such an ugly word I have difficulty even saying it."

"I don't usually say it," Will assured her. 

"The fact that I don't like to say it does not necessarily mean that I don't like to hear it. From time to time, in a certain context."

He nodded, seeming to file the information for future consideration.

Magnus felt she was beginning to lose the upper hand; Will's confidence was rebounding swiftly. She wondered whether her discussion of the last few letters would throw him for another loop, or just cement his certainty. 

"Nobody would have won for V. Vagina, vibrator. Not very creative efforts." 

"That was Henry and Kate," Will pointed out. "I couldn't think of anything else for V either, though." He was reaching out now, tracing one finger along her waistline, just above her belt. 

"Wet," Magnus said, and Will's smile turned positively wicked. "And so we arrive at X-rated." 

"Couldn't you think of anything for Y, either?" 

"Nope," she confessed. "But I should get some sort of special prize for zelophilia."

"No," Will reminded her. "That wouldn't have earned you any points."

She closed her eyes briefly, enjoying the tingling thrill that Will's delicate touch was sending through her body. She geared herself up for the question she'd been too nervous to ask at first. 

"Why is it," she finally ventured, "that in a game about things you all think I would never say, the whole discussion veers immediately to the topic of sexual relations, and remains firmly entrenched there?"

Will thought about it a moment. When she opened her eyes he had his head cocked to one side, staring abstractedly at her belt buckle as his hand mapped its upper contours against her belly. 

"Well, look at you. Of course people's minds are going to go off in that direction. How could we help it? Who wouldn't want to hear you saying any of that?" 

"I'm not sure whether to be flattered or appalled." 

He raised his eyes to hers, suddenly looking like bashful Will again. "Flattered."

"It's unprofessional," she reminded him, while she unprofessionally toyed with the hair behind his ears. She wasn't sure just when her hands had wound up at Will's shoulders, but it hardly seemed to matter now.

"Only because you overheard us." 

"No, I'm fairly certain it was unprofessional with or without my eavesdropping." 

Will just shrugged. He hooked his finger over her belt buckle and tugged her closer, until his hand was caught between their bodies. "This isn't exactly a normal work environment." 

"That's true by definition. That doesn't mean it's a good idea to pursue this further here in the hallway, however." 

Reluctantly, they stepped away from one another, glancing furtively around as if it weren't far too late for such security measures. In fact they were just in time, because at that moment Henry came through the door, stopping short when he saw them. 

"Sorry, I didn't know you guys were out here. Boss, I sorta needed you to look at this new lockdown sequence protocol for me. I didn't mean to interrupt, though. I mean it can wait." 

"It's fine, Henry," Magnus said. "I was just having a few words with Will."

The tech looked from one to the other, aware of a subtext but unable to quite make it out. "Okay. Well, I'll just be back in here. I'll be the guy in front of the computer." He waved somewhat awkwardly and disappeared around the door into the room, leaving Will and Magnus to giggle silently at one another as soon as he was out of sight. 

"Well. Another time, I guess." Will started to turn away, though with obvious regret. 

"Will," she said, stopping him with a hand placed on his arm. Cordially at first, but she couldn't resist curving her fingers to explore his beautifully defined triceps as she went on. "After dinner, in my office?"

Will glanced up and down the hall again and, assured they were unobserved, captured her exploring fingers and brought them to his lips. Oh, he could be devastating when he wanted to be, this boy. And it was clear he knew it. In other circumstances she might have found his voice arrogant. In fact she did even in this circumstance; but at the moment, she found even his arrogance seductive.

"Your office, Magnus? You'd like to have a few more words with me?"

She nodded, suspecting she was grinning foolishly, but not minding too much as he seemed to like it anyway. 

"Oh, I'd like to have several." 

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at sanctuaryfiction.net


End file.
